November Check-in

My life has been busy, and full of routine; which I think is good.  I'm teaching Tai Chi twice a week on Tuesday and Thursday.  On Tuesday, I go out to dinner after class.  It's something that Bob and I always did after Tai Chi.  Since I volunteer to teach, it's my reward.  Usually one of the class members, who is also one of my neighbors, Agnes, joins me for dinner.

Another one of my routines is walking the dogs.  This is important for all three of us to get exercise.  In the morning, I usually put them in the car and we go to one of the nearby parks.  I have four parks that give us great exercise, two even have stairs, which are a real challenge with two dogs!

Since I blogged last, we were able to inter my Mom's ashes.  She passed away in September, in Oregon, and it took some time to work out all legal and logistic problems of burying her ashes in California. (Mom had already made all the arrangements to be interred next to her 2nd husband.)  My sister brought the ashes down and we had a small ceremony with my daughters.

I've lived in my house for 17 years and I've decided to get the exterior painted, and upgrade the garage door.  The painters come tomorrow and the new garage door is in place already.  The old garage door had been damaged twice in 17 years, so it made sense to replace it when I was upgrading the exterior.  I'll be happy to be rid of the white rain gutters and the stucco color will be a bit darker.  This is when I miss Bob the most.  I'm good with making decisions, but I loved bouncing ideas off of him and getting his feedback.

We're expecting El Nino this winter and I've had the roof inspected.  There were no problems.

Thanks for stopping by and sharing my life with me,

Flashback Friday

These people are my Mom and Dad.  This photo is probably from the 60's.  I get my coloring from my Mom and my features from my Dad.

They divorced in '69 and both remarried in the early 70's.  Mom was/is a Rx drug abuser and Dad decided that he didn't want to spend the remainder of his days with her.  My sister and I totally understood.  By that time, we were both married, had 1 child, each, and we were settled.  It was time for Dad to be happy, too.

Thanks for stopping by and sharing my life with me,

Kindness

me, Dad, Mom

Some times life just isn't fair.  If you've been reading my musings for long, you know that my Mom was in early dementia, when my sister whisked her away to Oregon, in Sept. of '09.  Mom was yanked away from most of her family and friends, and the church she'd attended for over 65 years.  You can read about it here.  Mom did agree to the move, but I wasn't sure she understood what she was agreeing to.

Sharon, I, Oden, Mom

Since she's moved, Sharon and I went and visited her once.  She really didn't know who we were, but had been told we were coming.  Mom repeatedly introduced us as "relatives", instead of daughter and granddaughter.

Carrie, Erin, Mom, me.

The assisted living home Mom is living in is very nice, and that was one of the things we were interesting in investigating.

It's been about 10 years since Mom has remembered Bob's B'day, and about 5 years for mine.  Last year was the first year we weren't remembered at Christmas.  I always remember her, but I'm never sure she's received what I've sent.  If I call to confirm, it's impossible to get the info I need.  At this time in her life she seems to have "scripts" she's comfortable with, at least over the phone, and anything else is just too much.

My Mom is a super nice person.  If you met her, you'd love her.  She really lacked in the "mothering department", but not all of us are cut out for one of the toughest jobs in the world.

For Easter I sent Mom a large See's Candy Easter Egg, and she got it!  I know this because she wrote a thank you note.  {first time ever}  But she mailed it to an old church friend, Mrs. H., she even put her friends' address as the return address.  Mrs. H. was kind enough to look up our address, we're in the white pages, and send it on to me.  She also wrote a note about how much she missed my Mom.  She wondered if Mom and sent her a letter to our address.  No, sorry.

Moms' note started with:

From Jan and Bob, then

Dear Jan and Bob

and ended with

Thanks a million, then

Love from Jan and Bob.

So sad.

Thanks for stopping by and sharing my life with me,

Mothers Day - Quotography

My mother, Grace

 High School Graduation portrait

with me and my Dad.

As a Great Grandmother.

My Mom is 89.
Here's a post about when she moved to Oregon, if you're interested.

Quotography is a new weekly meme.  This weeks theme is Mothers/Females you admire.  

Thanks for stopping by, we enjoyed having you,

Christmas Gifts

I guess I'll let the cat out of the bag.  I made quilts for Christmas.  Huge surprise, I know.  The quilts that needed to travel, have been posted, and I know one has been received.

Here they are.  For Carries' family in North Carolina, The Reflection Quilt.

 For my Mom in Oregon, The Grace Quilt.  I named it after her.

This one goes to Sharon's house, but I didn't have to mail it, she'll be here for Christmas.  The Zipper Quilt.

Christmas day, we're uniting with another family, and I'm giving the ladies one of my homemade Little Folk scarves.

Thanks for stopping by, we enjoyed having you,

Commando Raid

Background:

• Mom is 87, has lived in the same house, in a retirement community for 32 years, has gone to the same church for over 60 years, and has played cards with the same group of friends for 20 years.

• A couple of years ago, she started needing more help and started complaining about being lonely. She’s been a widow for 18 years. I suggested Assisted Living, and she resisted because she was too young.

• Last month Mom visited my sister in Oregon for two weeks. Sue convinced her to relocate to Oregon and move to an Assisted Living complex. When Mom returned to California she was very confused acting and having more memory problems than ever before.

• I spoke to Sue and told her that Mom needed to see a doctor and be evaluated before she made such a drastic decision. I was not against the move. I felt it may be as simple as having her medications adjusted.

Action:

Last Thursday, I took Mom to a Gerontologist, to be evaluated. During her interview, Mom told the doctor that she was moving within 2-3 weeks, (this was news to me); so the doctor went over Mom’s meds and explained their importance; but didn’t do a complete physical because of the imminent move.

The Commando Raid:

Yesterday, about 5:30 PM, I got a phone call from Sharon, “Mom, I just called Grandma to see if she needed anything, and Sue and Steve are there, packing her up for the move to Oregon. They’re leaving today.” This is the first either Sharon or I had heard of it.

This is what happened, as far as I can piece together:

• Sue and Steve drive over 750 miles for the Raid. They do not call Mom to tell her they are coming.

• She has no advance warning that they have moved up her time table. She is totally unprepared. They took total control of her life.

• Thursday morning Mom went to her regular Beauty Shop appointment. When she returned, Sue and Steve are at her house, with a U-Haul, packing her things for the move. She is shocked.

• If Sharon hadn’t given Mom a Good Samaritan phone call, after work, to see if she needed anything, we would have no idea where Mom is.
• Mom asked Sharon to come over, to say goodbye. Sharon reported to me that all of her actions were monitored closely by Sue. Mom asked Sharon to put some of her cosmetics and her bathroom scale in the U-Haul, because Sue wouldn’t let her take them. Sharon did that, Sue questioned what she was doing.

• Sharon asked Sue what was going on, why they came, now, instead of when they were expected. Sue replied, “Well, we’re here now.” In other words, we can do what we want and WTF is it to you!
• Sharon asked for a key to Mom’s house, since she lives closest, and can take care of things until the house is sold, (another issue). Mom told Sue to give Sharon a house key and Sue refused.

• Mom did give Sharon a box of crystal and other miscellany, but again, Sue was not happy.

Result:

Sue and Steve have assumed complete and total control of another human being. Mom is now completely under their control and isolated from friends and other family. If Sharon hadn't called, Sue and Steve would of have been 100% successful, but, really the result it the same.

I can only speak for myself, and who knows what else might happen; but I'm very upset. I can think of no legitimate reason for what happened yesterday. I can speculate about selfishness and money grabbing, but that's all speculation.