September 18, 2009

Commando Raid


• Mom is 87, has lived in the same house, in a retirement community for 32 years, has gone to the same church for over 60 years, and has played cards with the same group of friends for 20 years.
• A couple of years ago, she started needing more help and started complaining about being lonely. She’s been a widow for 18 years. I suggested Assisted Living, and she resisted because she was too young.
• Last month Mom visited my sister in Oregon for two weeks. Sue convinced her to relocate to Oregon and move to an Assisted Living complex. When Mom returned to California she was very confused acting and having more memory problems than ever before.
• I spoke to Sue and told her that Mom needed to see a doctor and be evaluated before she made such a drastic decision. I was not against the move. I felt it may be as simple as having her medications adjusted.


Last Thursday, I took Mom to a Gerontologist, to be evaluated. During her interview, Mom told the doctor that she was moving within 2-3 weeks, (this was news to me); so the doctor went over Mom’s meds and explained their importance; but didn’t do a complete physical because of the imminent move.

The Commando Raid:

Yesterday, about 5:30 PM, I got a phone call from Sharon, “Mom, I just called Grandma to see if she needed anything, and Sue and Steve are there, packing her up for the move to Oregon. They’re leaving today.” This is the first either Sharon or I had heard of it.

This is what happened, as far as I can piece together:

• Sue and Steve drive over 750 miles for the Raid. They do not call Mom to tell her they are coming.
• She has no advance warning that they have moved up her time table. She is totally unprepared. They took total control of her life.
• Thursday morning Mom went to her regular Beauty Shop appointment. When she returned, Sue and Steve are at her house, with a U-Haul, packing her things for the move. She is shocked.
• If Sharon hadn’t given Mom a Good Samaritan phone call, after work, to see if she needed anything, we would have no idea where Mom is.
• Mom asked Sharon to come over, to say goodbye. Sharon reported to me that all of her actions were monitored closely by Sue. Mom asked Sharon to put some of her cosmetics and her bathroom scale in the U-Haul, because Sue wouldn’t let her take them. Sharon did that, Sue questioned what she was doing.
• Sharon asked Sue what was going on, why they came, now, instead of when they were expected. Sue replied, “Well, we’re here now.” In other words, we can do what we want and WTF is it to you!
• Sharon asked for a key to Mom’s house, since she lives closest, and can take care of things until the house is sold, (another issue). Mom told Sue to give Sharon a house key and Sue refused.
• Mom did give Sharon a box of crystal and other miscellany, but again, Sue was not happy.


Sue and Steve have assumed complete and total control of another human being. Mom is now completely under their control and isolated from friends and other family. If Sharon hadn't called, Sue and Steve would of have been 100% successful, but, really the result it the same.

I can only speak for myself, and who knows what else might happen; but I'm very upset. I can think of no legitimate reason for what happened yesterday. I can speculate about selfishness and money grabbing, but that's all speculation.


  1. Wow, that's a lot of stuff. I am hoping that you all will be able to talk and figure out what is best for your Mom. God love her. Families do the strangest thigs sometimes.

  2. Oh Jan, I am so sorry to hear this about your Mom. At her age she should be able to stay put where she is most familiar and live out the rest of her life in peace. Now she is going to be so confused and have a very hard time adjusting. I think your sister jumped the gun, she should have waited until your Mom was evaluated, and talked things over with you. I hope things work out for all involved. Keep us posted.

  3. Hi Jan,
    Sorry to hear about all your troubles. You mom, even though she is have some problems should be able to have a say so as to where she lives. By the way, your quilts are beautiful!! Have a great day!


  4. Gee, Jan, I'm sorry that this has happened. But I know there are people like sisters-in-law in my case, who do stuff like this and completely cut out the rest of the family. It's hard I know.


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